i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
