ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
