I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
