so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
