so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
