the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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