"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize