I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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