It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
