Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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