I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
