Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Your penis caused this!
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