do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize