it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
