he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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