Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize