I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
