Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
