if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
soo... how was my night?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
