i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
