You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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