i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
im on a boat
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