...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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