i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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