dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
