i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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