I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sorry about my life...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
