Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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