I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize