Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
