On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
