I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
