What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize