I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
