Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
