I CAN MOONWALK!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
