how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
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I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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