i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
