I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
smell my finger.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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