and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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