mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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