Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
