Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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