I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
