he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
