Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he thought i was a dude.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
