Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize