It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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