Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
