my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm way too hungover for life right now
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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