she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
