We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
