at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
