I CAN MOONWALK!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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