forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
