I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
