Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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