So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
