just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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