You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
