If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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