Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
