At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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