Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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