after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
