I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
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Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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