His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
