My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
