just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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