this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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