their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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