the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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