Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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