Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
